Guide to Video Game Classifications

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I was reading the other thread, and it suddenly occurred to me that a lot of people mix up genres. So, wthout further ado (we've run out of the stuff anyway), here's the ultimate, definitive, game classification guide.

Role Playing Game (RPG) : Any game with dungeons, bards, barbarians and/or women in skimpy metal armor who somehow escape being scarred despite being hit hundreds of times by just as many creatures. A player "role plays" a character in the game, usually someone who thinks breaking and entering (not to mention theft and murder) is somehow heroic and/or honorable.

First Person Shooter (FPS) : Any game where you run around shooting at anything that moves. In many cases this includes yourself. These games can be networked to allow lots of people (who are generally better than you) to compete together. Probably the only game you can pick up and play for ten seconds (because that's about the average lifespan of the novice player.)

Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) : Same as RPG, except it's online, so there are usually a lot more people playing. Can divided into two basic categories :

(1) Boring as All Heck (also known as level grinding) : see creature, hit creature, repeat until creature is dead. Collect loot. Rinse and repeat. Sounds like a game a PC would want to play. Which is why there are a lot of bots playing it.

(2) Scammers 'r' Us : The games in category (1) do not usually allow PvP (player vs. player, a method whereby a player shows off his "leet" game hacking skills) so it gets boring. To alleviate the boredom, some games have PvP areas. In these areas, killing of other player characters is allowed. The game then becomes "how do I trick newbies into going to that area, so I can relieve them of whatever they have ?" which at least engages the brain more than simple hacking and slashing.

Adventure : A nice fancy name for walking around aimlessly clicking on scenery until something happens. You'll usually have to do things like combine the telescope with the egg-slicer, and then use it to mix the cheese and the stuff between your toes, which you can then use to combine the glumpzot with the zqwat. The combined tsersz should then be used on the door handle, but not before it's been opened (with an erts tool that you'll find elsewhere) and modified by the sxrazsr (which of course is usually half a world away.) Also any game in which you will hear "This doesn't fit you silly dope. Now get with the program" or any variant thereof about thirty times a minute.


(This is why you shouldn't drink coffee when you have too little work to do.)

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- Removed for Great Justice -

[Olle P]

Real Time Strategy (RTS)
Totally misleading designation since the time is by no means "real" and the "strategy" component negligable. These games are very simple: Build as many units as possible as fast as possible by clicking on as many units as possible as fast as possible. The player with the fastest mouse hand usually wins.

Turn Based Strategy (TBS)
These are often slower paced mind games. Can be either deterministic, without random elements and therefore fully repeatable, or with random elements that prevent perfect repetition.
Come in two sub-types; I-Go-U-Go and We-Go.
I-Go-U-Go is the traditional type where only one player at a time is "active" while the others wait for their turn. Typical examples are Chess (deterministic) and Civilization (with random elements).
We-Go means all players act simultaneously, often with each turn divided into "phases". Typical examples are Diplomacy (deterministic) and Combat Mission (with random elements).

Cheers
Olle

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-- Sorry.. I keep editing it, and it keeps posting ----

[Chai]

Arcade racers - Like all racing games in arcade, it doesn't follow many basic real world physics, allowing you to take corners are crazy speeds, often without needing to brake or even lift the accelerator. It will also make noobs look like a drift king because you only have to hold the left or right key on the keyboard to magically make the car turn side ways. And the only reason you will need a steering wheel for these games are to feel the impact when you crash.

Simulation racers - These games have little appeal to the publics because the difficulty can be so high that most people tend to give up after just 10 minutes. A plastic toy steering wheel is required to play these games, and all it does is to change the outlook of the monitor display. You will have to brake as much as you accelerate. Getting a real driving license is not mandatory, but it will certainly help you with clutch and gearshift controls!

[jamotto]

Educational - Learning tools disguised as games used in an attempt to fool kids into using skills such as thinking, reasoning, reading comprehension, etc that they otherwise would have totally skipped