the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!! - Page 104

GarPhreak · 27th Jun 2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html
watch it XD
THE FARM!
THATS NO MOON THATS A MELON!
CHEWBROCCOLI!
THAI FIGHTERS!

Damn that's a well-made movie!

C3Peanuts! The Death Melon! Yogurt!! Darth Tater!!!

Adrian Wong · 27th Jun 2005, 09:24 PM

Hehe.. I think someone else posted this earlier. But damn cool movie nevertheless!

Chai · 27th Jun 2005, 11:54 PM

The Photographer

The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long."

"Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

u suck.com · 28th Jun 2005, 01:22 AM

that is REALLY funny

Papercut · 28th Jun 2005, 01:30 AM

Read it before. Still amusing

Adrian Wong · 28th Jun 2005, 11:01 PM

ROTFL!! Hilarious!!!

Jet · 28th Jun 2005, 11:04 PM

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!

Canon..

Nice joke.

Zen · 30th Jun 2005, 02:02 AM

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the ;waiter. "That"s the owner."

GarPhreak · 30th Jun 2005, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the ;waiter. "That"s the owner."

ROTFL!!!

Jet · 30th Jun 2005, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the ;waiter. "That"s the owner."

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!

Don act smart guys..

27th Jun 2005, 09:24 PM	#1032 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 30,124 Reputation: 3081 Rep Power: 67	Hehe.. I think someone else posted this earlier. But damn cool movie nevertheless! __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? Keep Tech ARP free! Visit our sponsors! We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs

27th Jun 2005, 11:54 PM	#1033 (permalink)
Chai Administrator Join Date: 6 Oct 2002 Location: Maranello Posts: 26,752 Reputation: 3984 Rep Power: 72	The Photographer The Jones's were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!" "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot of. . . " gasped Mrs. Jones. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know it," Mrs. Jones said quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Jones. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Jones leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...equipment?" "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long." "Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!" __________________ Chai (Contributor & Forum Admin) http://www.techarp.com/

28th Jun 2005, 01:22 AM	#1034 (permalink)
u suck.com ■ ■ ■ ■ Join Date: 20 Nov 2003 Location: where? Posts: 3,757 Reputation: 552 Rep Power: 14	that is REALLY funny __________________

28th Jun 2005, 01:30 AM	#1035 (permalink)
Papercut Hyperactive Join Date: 14 Jul 2004 Location: Singapore! Posts: 4,990 Reputation: 2428 Rep Power: 33	Read it before. Still amusing __________________ PC Specs "Use in a cool dry place away from direct sunlight. Keep out of reach of n00bs. Overclock within 24 hours of opening. Do not read instructions before proceeding, do not use only as directed. May cause frustration, late nights and empty wallets. If symptoms persist please consult your hardware professional."

28th Jun 2005, 11:01 PM	#1036 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 30,124 Reputation: 3081 Rep Power: 67	ROTFL!! Hilarious!!! __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? Keep Tech ARP free! Visit our sponsors! We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs

28th Jun 2005, 11:04 PM	#1037 (permalink)
Jet Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!! Join Date: 5 Sep 2004 Posts: 6,694 Reputation: 1274 Rep Power: 23	ROTFL!!!!!!!!!! Canon.. Nice joke.

30th Jun 2005, 02:02 AM	#1038 (permalink)
Zen Das lässige Schwein Join Date: 3 Aug 2004 Location: Malaysia Posts: 901 Reputation: 317 Rep Power: 8	To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the ;waiter. "That"s the owner." __________________ Children understand, not articulately, but instinctively, and more sharply than adults, that passion, is the fuel for all fires. Make Extra Cash With Your Photos...