the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by digitalvoice

In the same boat...

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother,…

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army!"

Mommy fainted…

ROTFL!! Both caught at the same time!!!!!!

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by Jet

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROTFL!!! Often they will say that but you won't be conscious enough to hear it!!!

[PsYkHoTiK]

Originally Posted by Adrian Wong

ROTFL!!! Often they will say that but you won't be conscious enough to hear it!!!

Well, if they do say it no matter what state I'd be in, I'll prolly start pissing...

Which reminds me of there was this one time, I was at a barber with my bro, and his wife barged in and started arguing while the barber was working on my bro. My bro got a little cut above his ear from the razor....

[siddiq]

Wahahaha! Little Jhonny is our savior.

"i wish i have my contact lens now" <--- the wickest\1

[Jet]

My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic.
One morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up
in his 18-wheeler singing and whistling. A passenger in a nearby
car, frustrated by the delay, yelled up at my brother, "What are
you so happy about?"

"I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[acedriver]

"I'd like a Barbie doll for my daughter," said the woman to the sales assistant "can you show me what you have?"

"Certainly madam. This is Barbie with her scuba diving at £9.50, here's Barbie dressed for the disco at £12, this is Barbie ready for the beach at £14 or there's divorced Barbie at £150."

"What!" exclaimed the woman, "why is divorced Barbie so expensive?"

"Oh that's easy to explain," replied the sales assistant, "divorced Barbie comes with the house, Ken's car, Ken's trailer and all Ken's other possessions."

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by acedriver

"I'd like a Barbie doll for my daughter," said the woman to the sales assistant "can you show me what you have?"

"Certainly madam. This is Barbie with her scuba diving at £9.50, here's Barbie dressed for the disco at £12, this is Barbie ready for the beach at £14 or there's divorced Barbie at £150."

"What!" exclaimed the woman, "why is divorced Barbie so expensive?"

"Oh that's easy to explain," replied the sales assistant, "divorced Barbie comes with the house, Ken's car, Ken's trailer and all Ken's other possessions."

ROTFL!!! That's HILARIOUS!!!!

I just hope it doesn't happen to me...

[zy]

rotfl .. "divorced Barbie comes with the house, Ken's car, Ken's trailer and all Ken's other possessions."

[Jet]

On the new Boeing aircraft great emphasis was given to passenger comfort. One of the interesting innovations was, that there were separate washrooms for ladies and gentlemen. During the airplane’s maiden flight, one of the passengers had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the male lavatories, but found them to be occupied. A stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps and had pain and anxiety written all over his face. The girl took pity on the visibly suffering passenger and though expressly forbidden to do so, let him use one of the female washrooms. She warned him not to touch any of the buttons on the wall installed for the ladies’ convenience. The man was about to pop and would have promised anything, just to get into one of these small cubicles.
The relief was pure joy and as he sat there, savoring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: “WW”, “WA”, and “PP” and there was one red button labeled “ATR”. Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the “WW” button. Warm Water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. A good feeling came over him. The male lavatory didn't have nice things like this. Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the “WA” button. Warm Air replaced the warm water, wafted and swirled about, gently drying his underside.
He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped and without hesitation pressed the “PP” button. A large Powder Puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure. The ladies’ toilet was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender loving pleasure. He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!
He pressed the button and came to in the hospital. He did not remember a thing, but saw that he was bandaged around his midriff. The nurse staring down at him with a smirk on her face would answer his questions and all the doctor was ready to tell him was that he was no longer a man. Only when a remorseful airline executive showed up with a huge bouquet of flowers, did he learn of the reason for his debilitating injury.
“Would somebody tell me what happened? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies lavatory!!!” - asked the man furiously.
“You pushed one too many button,” - replied the embarrassed executive. “That last button marked “ATR” is an Automatic Tampax Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

This is so funnie.

[Adrian Wong]

ROTFL!!!!!!!

Automatic Tampax Remover!!!