the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!! - Page 167

Adrian Wong · 23rd Apr 2006, 08:10 PM

ROTFL!!!

7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP

zachig · 23rd Apr 2006, 11:41 PM

Hehehe

Absolutely hillarious!!!

Adrian Wong · 4th May 2006, 01:37 AM

Sexual Frequency

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each person to smile.?Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately.
Until he comes to the last man in line, that is,?This guy was grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guessed, but is surprised when the man said no.

"Once a day, then?"

Again the answer was no.

"Twice a week?"

"No."

"Twice a month?"
'
"No.?'-'

The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year".

The therapist was angry that his theory wasn't working, and asked the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The man answered, "Tonight's the night!"

Adrian Wong · 4th May 2006, 01:38 AM

To make a woman happy..... a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

Leave him alone

PsYkHoTiK · 4th May 2006, 02:15 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

How true...

Zenphic · 6th May 2006, 02:37 AM

LOL pwnage

Indeed, too true, us guys are like slaves to girls!

Zen · 9th May 2006, 11:36 AM

This just-married Chinese coupled decide to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop
nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off... While the husband was out, an Indian thief came into the room.

The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the Indian and happily screwed away.The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.

In the mean time, the husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20-sen coin.

He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality that he wanted.

"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 sen each.

The black condom, average quality, is 20 sen each.

And purple condom, the highest quality, is 25 sen each".

So, the husband chose the black condom as he had only 20 sen with him.

When he reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife and started making love. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic after the "first" session.

A year later, the wife gave birth to a "black" baby boy.

When the baby grows up, he asks the father, "Pa, why am I black and you are white?"

The father replied, "You are damn lucky already boy......5 sen more and you would be PURPLE now!!!!!!"

GarPhreak · 13th May 2006, 12:44 AM

"Tonight's the night!" ROTLMAO!!

ZuePhok · 13th May 2006, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GarPhreak

"Tonight's the night!" ROTLMAO!!

yeah..LOL

but he forgot this emo

Adrian Wong · 15th May 2006, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit."

23rd Apr 2006, 08:10 PM	#1661 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 33,143 Reputation: 3730 Rep Power: 78	ROTFL!!! *7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP* __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs

4th May 2006, 01:37 AM	#1663 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 33,143 Reputation: 3730 Rep Power: 78	Sexual Frequency A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex. To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each person to smile.?Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately. Until he comes to the last man in line, that is,?This guy was grinning from ear to ear. "Twice a day," the therapist guessed, but is surprised when the man said no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer was no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" ' "No.?'-' The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year". The therapist was angry that his theory wasn't working, and asked the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?" The man answered, "Tonight's the night!" __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs

4th May 2006, 01:38 AM	#1664 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 33,143 Reputation: 3730 Rep Power: 78	To make a woman happy..... a man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. give her compliments regularly 45. love shopping 46. be honest 47. be very rich 48. not stress her out 49. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 53. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY: Leave him alone __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs

4th May 2006, 02:15 AM	#1665 (permalink)
PsYkHoTiK "Little" Devil Join Date: 8 Apr 2004 Location: On the "throne" Posts: 14,746 Reputation: 4681 Rep Power: 66	HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! How true... __________________ Intel SLBEJ @ 4GHz : 3x2GB OCZ Platinum DDR3 1600 : Asus P6X58 Premium : WD RE3 250GB x2 RAID 0 : 3ware 9650SE-2LP : XFX Radeon 5850 : XFi Platinum : Silverstone OP650 : Silverstone TJ-07 : Swiftech Apogee XT : MCP655 : Thermochill PA120.3 w Scythe Ultra Kaze CPU-Z: SLBEJ : SLAPL : SLA9U : FX-55 : DDR 600 : VX www.techarp.com

9th May 2006, 11:36 AM	#1667 (permalink)
Zen Das lässige Schwein Join Date: 3 Aug 2004 Location: Malaysia Posts: 901 Reputation: 317 Rep Power: 9	This just-married Chinese coupled decide to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off... While the husband was out, an Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the Indian and happily screwed away.The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately. In the mean time, the husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20-sen coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality that he wanted. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 sen each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 sen each. And purple condom, the highest quality, is 25 sen each". So, the husband chose the black condom as he had only 20 sen with him. When he reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife and started making love. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic after the "first" session. A year later, the wife gave birth to a "black" baby boy. When the baby grows up, he asks the father, "Pa, why am I black and you are white?" The father replied, "You are damn lucky already boy......5 sen more and you would be PURPLE now!!!!!!" __________________ Children understand, not articulately, but instinctively, and more sharply than adults, that passion, is the fuel for all fires. Make Extra Cash With Your Photos...

23rd Apr 2006, 11:41 PM	#1662 (permalink)
zachig Active Join Date: 9 Feb 2005 Location: Somewhere Posts: 782 Reputation: 232 Rep Power: 8	Hehehe Absolutely hillarious!!!

6th May 2006, 02:37 AM	#1666 (permalink)
Zenphic Super Active Join Date: 23 Apr 2006 Location: Quebec, Canada Posts: 1,101 Reputation: 540 Rep Power: 10	LOL pwnage Indeed, too true, us guys are like slaves to girls!

13th May 2006, 12:44 AM	#1668 (permalink)
GarPhreak Super Active Join Date: 18 Oct 2004 Posts: 1,061 Reputation: 249 Rep Power: 9	"Tonight's the night!" ROTLMAO!!