the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by strawroot

This is funny as hell! !!!

LOL!!! Someone from Intel must have adapted that.

[Adrian Wong]

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the
daughter of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, "Patrick Henry, 1775."

She said "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people,
for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.",
said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,
who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do"

There was a loud whisper: "Screw the Japanese."
"Who said that?" the teacher demanded.
Suzuki put her hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again,
Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of her chair waving her hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little creep.
If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells
at the top of her voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted!

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
"Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"

.... and Suzuki said,
"Arthur Andersen, 2002."

[Chai]

LMAO! Suck this!

[ZuePhok]

This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the World's shortest essay competition.

He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for his
imagination and humour ....Here's an example of absolute brilliance....

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a
concise essay containing the following elements:
1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery


The prize-winner wrote:

'My God,' said the Queen, 'I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is.'

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by ZuePhok

This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the World's shortest essay competition.

He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for his
imagination and humour ....Here's an example of absolute brilliance....

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a
concise essay containing the following elements:
1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery


The prize-winner wrote:

'My God,' said the Queen, 'I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is.'

Hahaah!!! That's really funny!!!!

[Dashken]

Bran Muffins

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods ( LOTS of bran muffins for their fiber) and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.


They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?', grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!

[Chai]

LMAO!!!

[Adrian Wong]

ROTFL!!! That's a good one!!!

[strawroot]

/dumped all the fruits & vege
/restocked junk food

[Dashken]

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