the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Falcone]

Originally Posted by lee_what2004

You don't realize what you do in your childhood days....

Third one must be dask

[Chai]

LOL, second one is really funny!

[strawroot]

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxi's stop for us.

Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.

If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.

It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.

We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

This is funny!!

[lee_what2004]

Originally Posted by strawroot

This is funny!!

men are losing

[lee_what2004]

Growing Older

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.

When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"

anyone???

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by strawroot

This is funny!!

ROTFL!! It would have been funnier if it wasn't that true.

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by lee_what2004

Growing Older


anyone???

ROTFL!! Both also forgetful!

[lee_what2004]

ACTUAL DIALOG OF A FORMER WORDPERFECT CUSTOMER SUPPORT EMPLOYEE:
CS Employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
CS Employee: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
CS Employee: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
CS Employee: "Humm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
CS Employee: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
CS Employee: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
CS Employee: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
CS Employee: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
CS Employee: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
CS Employee: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
CS Employee: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: ......"Yes, I think so."
CS Employee: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: ......"Yes, it is."
CS Employee: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
CS Employee: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: ......"Okay, here it is."
CS Employee: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
CS Employee: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
CS Employee: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
CS Employee: "Dark?
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
CS Employee: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
CS Employee: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
CS Employee: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
CS Employee: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
CS Employee: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
CS Employee: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

should make a license to own computers

[Adrian Wong]

LOL!! Maybe people should pass a test before they can buy a computer.

[Mac Daddy]

Originally Posted by lee_what2004

should make a license to own computers

Classic