the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[lee_what2004]

Go Girl!

Jake was on his deathbed.

His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Susan," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."

He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep ."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I dated your sister and your best friend."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."

[Mac Daddy]

Ohh thats good

[Adrian Wong]

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by lee_what2004

Go Girl!

Here's another version of the same joke!

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."

His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

[Mac Daddy]

Seen both versions still makes me chuckle

I like the punchline on this one as well

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[Chai]

Good jokes!

[Chai]

Originally Posted by Adrian Wong

Too true...

[lee_what2004]

Plastic Surgery

Dolly Plucket was a vain, and clueless girl. Her parents were rich affluent californians who bent to Dolly's every whim, no matter how preposterous. Her mother was a real estate agent, and her father a plastic surgeon.

Dolly desperately wanted to catch the town's richest man eye. She had talked to him a few times and he never showed her any interest. He said he wasn't looking for any regular woman, but wanted one who had the best of both worlds.

Dolly asked her father for help, and he refused at first, but finally submitted.

Dolly met up with the rich man one day in a bar, and they went to his home. Thereafter they started kissing, and fondling one another. The man suddenly stopped, and looked down at Dolly's panties.

"What is that Dolly?" he gasped.

"You said you wanted the best of both worlds!" Dolly retorted, "So Im up for anything!"

[lee_what2004]

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient.
'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

[Chai]

I've read the bottom one, but still funny!