the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[lee_what2004]

A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

[Mac Daddy]

Hee hee the last were good

[Chai]

I thought that's a compliment. I meant the rear end.

[Chai]

No SEX since 1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"


"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time)

[Mac Daddy]

Hee hee military time indeed

[lee_what2004]

at least he's telling the truth

[lee_what2004]

A married couple was planning to go on vacation in Key West, Florida. The man went down first, while the wife was finishing up a business meeting in New York City. The husband arrived and decided to email his wife to tell her he arrived in Key West.

After he typed his message, he accidentally typed in the wrong email address. The email went to a woman who was grieving over her recently deceased husband. The grieving woman checked her email, read the man's letter, then passed out cold. Her daughter came in and looked at the computer screen. It read:

Honey,
This is your husband. I just wanted to tell you I got here OK, and I have all your bags checked in and ready for you to get here tonight so we can be together.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.

well, email is sure convenient...

[lee_what2004]

1. anyone dare to say this is invalid?
2. ehm, something new

[Chai]

LOL! Funny stuff!

[lee_what2004]