the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Chai]

LMAO!!!

[Chai]

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"




2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"


3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,


4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!


5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!


6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!


7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!


8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!


9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... Opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"


10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us

[Yukirin]

Nice one. The 10th one is very funny. Almost sounds like Japan IT company slogan

[argentino]

woahh so funny

[Falcone]

The Mailman's Retirement

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "**** him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[Falcone]

Admiring Our Own Work

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

[Chai]

2 really sick jokes!

[Unixlord]

Agreed but what is S/M?

[lee_what2004]

.... ...

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.

[lee_what2004]

.... ...

Five reasons computers must be female...

5.- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

4.- Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3.- The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2.- The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

1.- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.