the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[zy]

cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!

[Adrian Wong]

ROTFL!! Keep it up, guys!

[Chai]

Not a joke, but should make you laugh!

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm

[TungstenBoy]

Originally Posted by Chai

Not a joke, but should make you laugh!

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm

...........i took 20 secs.......so i'm sane!!!!!!

[hyper_raider]

not really a joke...but i thought it was pretty funny

A retiring pChem (Physical Chemistry) professor was composing his last exam for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored, and with a well kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet:

"Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to this query.

One "A" was awarded.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion on average, we can predict that all people and all souls go to hell on average. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Thus, there are two possible conditions:

1. ) If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, than the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.

-OR-

2. ) If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

We can solve this (de)lemma with the 1990 postulation of Ms. Theresa LeClair, the woman who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, I know that condition two has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and therefore that hell is exothermic."

source:http://www.psc.edu/~deerfiel/Jokes/pchem.html

[Chai]

Originally Posted by TungstenBoy

...........i took 20 secs.......so i'm sane!!!!!!

Err...you need to take 60 secs to consider yourself sane! I actually did it, pass 60 secs without laughing!

[hyper_raider]

Originally Posted by Chai

Not a joke, but should make you laugh!

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm

didnt laugh the whole way through

[zy]

Originally Posted by hyper_raider

didnt laugh the whole way through

i just smiled..

because i remember hearing that in the video TF posted (civic nation ad)

[Chai]

Got from email

A woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive.

"Have you considered trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem-there's away around that," replies the doctor.
"Drop it into his coffee-he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and the doctor inquires as to how things went.
"Oh doctor, it was horrible, horrible, horrible!"

"What happened??" asks the doctor, aghast.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, ripped my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was just horrible!"

"What was horrible?" asked the confused doctor. "Was the sex not fulfilling?"

"Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years. But I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face at Starbucks again!"

[zy]

LOL.. haha.. starbucks..