the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Chai]

1) I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

2) You can never kiss your own elbow !

3) Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice?

4) If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

5) Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

6) How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

7) Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

8) One should love animals. They are so tasty.

9) Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

10) Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

11) The wise never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.

12) Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

13) Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

14) 'Your future depends on your dreams' So go to sleep

15) There should be a better way to start a day. Than waking up every morning

16) 'Hard work never killed anybody' But why take the risk

17) 'Work fascinates me' I can look at it for hours

18) God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

19) The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

20) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At my desk, I have a workstation ... what more can I say........

Bonus
21) 93% of the people who read #2, would have tried to kiss their elbow!

[lee_what2004]

well, something about interview

[Max_87]

HAHAHA! Now we all know what to expect if we were to go for a job interview in IKEA

[generalRage1982hrv]

hahahhahahahhahhahaha

[Adrian Wong]

Originally Posted by generalRage1982hrv

hahahhahahahhahhahaha

OMG. It does look like him.

I wouldn't be surprised if we were to later see two TV studio guards jump on him, live on TV!

[Falcone]

Ok you probably need to be a Malaysian or Singaporean to fully understand this....

Q&A -Miss M'sia


One of the main reasons why in recent years the
Malaysian Government has always ensured that their
Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level
education or higher was because of the following
incident which occurred not too many years ago.

It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and
the 3 finalists, Miss USA , Miss Malaysia and Miss
Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical
appliance starting with 'L'
Miss USA : Lamp
Miss Singapore : Light bulb
Miss Malaysia : LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter 'L'

MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name
me an animal starting with the letter 'L'
Miss USA : Lion
Miss Singapore : Leopard
Miss Malaysia : LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no!

MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that
starts with 'L'
Miss USA : Lexus
Miss Singapore : Lamborghini
Miss Malaysia : Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!

MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a
fruit starting with the letter 'L'
Miss USA : Lemon
Miss Singapore : Lychee
Miss Malaysia , with full of confidence, smiles and
says: LIEWLIAN!!

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted
the board of judges to determine if Miss Malaysia
should really be disqualified ; and they decided that
since Miss Malaysia was having so many problems with
the letter 'L', they decided to give her another
chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is : Name me a human
anatomy starting with the letter 'L'
Miss USA : Lung (applause)
Miss Singapore : Liver (even more applause)
Miss Malaysia : LAN CIAU
The Judges fainted..!!!

[Unixlord]

What's lan ciau? (for non-malaysians)

[Chai]

Your "wee-wee". Presuming if you are a guy.

[lee_what2004]

here how it works

How the Xbox Came Into Being:-

One Monday morning, at Microsoft HQ:

Bill Gates: Ok, associates, what other things can we do to suck the public dry of cash?

Ass#1: The video game area is a booming industry, your Highness.

Bill: Yes! That's a great idea. What designs do we have in the making?

Ass#2: Well, we want something original, since every other company has a different look to their machines. Nintendo's new machine looks like a handbag, Sony's looks like a VCR, and Sega's looks like a misshapen box. Any ideas?

Bill: Well, here's an idea. We want to cross off all competition, right?

Ass#1: Yeah...?

Bill: And since the thing is going to look boxy anyway, we might as well put Box in the name, right?

Ass#2: Sounds good, highness.

Bill: So our new machine will be called the Xbox!

All: RAH RAH RAH! GO MICROSOFT GO! WE'LL BEAT UP EVERY OTHER BUSINESS SCHMO!

Bill: Alright, now what should we put in the box?

Ass#3: Well, based on estimates, the best competitor has a 405 Mhz processor, so let's top that!

Bill: Sounds good.

Ass#2: And the PS2 can generate 66 million polys/sec. How many can our top-of-the-line P4s generate?

Ass#1: Easily more with a Voodoo5. Let's throw that in!

Bill: Okay. Now, what games can we put on it? Age of Empires is a no-brainer, but what else?

Ass#2: Well, Command & Conquer is a good franchise. And we can always buy some others that we don't have control of already...

Bill: Good. Let's go buy a few big-name game franchises, and Microsoftify them!

All: Here here!

Ass#3: One final thing. Many people who bought the PS2 bought it for its DVD capability. Should we throw that in?

Bill: Yeah, but make it an extra, so that they have to pay more if they want it.

Ass#1: Very lucrative thinking, highness.

Bill: Yes, thank you for the compliment. You deserve a raise. In fact, you all do. Bring a prototype to me before Friday, and you all get a 200% raise!

All: Here here! GO M$ GO!

[lee_what2004]

well, you get the idea

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.

They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:

She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome:

He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.