the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

[Adrian Wong]

LOL!! This thread is always good for many laughs after a long, tiring day!!

[lee_what2004]

HUSBAND 1.0 There are a lot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the implications of this change...

For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband 1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to be running processes which you have not authorized. If this happens a lot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and severely limit demand for extra bytes.

Every evening there will be a huge surge in demand for megabytes and if not satisfied, the process will become unresponsive and has been known on occasion to damage hardware.

Every so often you will be promised a new release of the program, but unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally found to be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes and most of the same old annoying bugs which you were undoubtedly promised would not be there in the new release. Put up with it or discontinue use entirely. Husband 1.0 is a flawed program; many of the bugs are so deeply encoded that, even if they can be located, they are impossible to eradicate and have to be tolerated.

Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language and may not understand higher level commands so you must be prepared to use basic functions when required. Often a few robust algorithms in handshaking mode will produce a good response.

After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more space than originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing down correspondingly. If this happens, be very careful as there is increased risk of complete system failure. Around this time, Husband 1.0 will also tend to lose bits from the top of the stack, although these will often multiply and be found lower down the stack.

Another problem with this program is that Husband 1.0 can also spawn unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear, make huge demands on the program and force unwanted interaction with old versions of 1.nightstand.

Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before you have the required result. This generally results in spawned processes scattered over your system which must be located and removed. More often than not, however, Husband 1.0 will appear to take an inordinately long time to complete a relatively simple process. While waiting for tedious processes to complete you may find it useful to distract yourself by perusing manuals for alternative programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9

On completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try again later.

Ultimately, as the program becomes older, it will become more difficult to produce hardcopy, and you will find that most of you work ends up on floppies. In addition, you will be needing software support more often than you'd like. If and when this happens, try to find a copy of Toyboy 1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ on Husband 1.0 before loading Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses before using any new program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware which can be plugged into any of your ports.

[aKho]

Originally Posted by generalRage1982hrv

hahahhahahahhahhahaha

OMG, i laugh till cry...

[lee_what2004]

# A pilot in Seattle...

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

# Another, more realistic version of this story:

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications qquipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."

# Instructions for Micro$oft's new tv dinner product

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:

<<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:- )gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

[lee_what2004]

the wonderful moment with pet

4th one for extra

[Eraser]

I Am Participating!

All all that I am doing is just participating in the Tech ARP Forums from October 4 until December 28, 2008!

[Zenphic]

An oldie, but still one of my favourite April fool's joke:
Welcome to Visiontek: Unbelievably Real Graphics

The HD3870 x4 USB graphics stick steps into the future of gaming with dx12.1 gaming enabling the next generation’s generation of visual effects at an affordable price point. “VisionTek’s dedication to bring the dream technology into the market and decision to leap frog two generations of dx versions gives us a significant advantage in the industry. We’ve all just got to be patient and wait for the game titles to start rolling out.” stated Chris Rosman, CEO -Chief Entertainment Officer of VisionTek. “Our new HD3870 x4 USB Graphics Stick performs at zero energy levels, cooler temperatures, and offers more performance at than any other multi-processor USB graphics device in the universe. VisionTek is committed to green designs and the tiny energy efficient fans on the outside of the USB stick circulate the air to provide more oxygen flow for a better office environment.”

[Max_87]

Got this from a SMS

荧幕说: 我好惨啊...每天给人看.
键盘说: 我更惨呢每天给人打.
滑鼠说: 我才惨咧每天给人摸.
光碟机说: 我最惨每天给人插.
Floppy说: 我更惨现在没人插我了.
USB随身碟说: 谁有我惨?这边查完就去那边插,一不小心还要被感染.
Motherboard说: 不要以为我被很多东西插会很爽,它们插近来后都不动了,那才是难受啊.
最后音效卡说: 还说呢...明明是我在插你, 为什么都是我在叫???

[mikegas]

Translation pls ..

[lee_what2004]

Originally Posted by Max_87

Got this from a SMS

by Google Translate

Screen said: I am a good Jiren Kan Cana ... every day.
Keyboard: I give people a day to play it even worse.
Mouse: I feel miserable child's cry every day gives.
CD-ROM: I give the worst play every day.
Floppy: No one is even worse I play me.
USB Flash Disk: Who I am miserable? Check here END go play over there, even accidentally infected.
Motherboard: I do not think that was a lot of things will play Henshuang they did not play after the recent move, it is hard for me ah.
Finally, sound card, said: ... said it was obvious I plug in you that is why I call???