the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!! - Page 49

Papercut · 10th Nov 2004, 01:00 AM

From "Weekend Update" on SNL: "An undercover officer tested the awareness of the students at a local school by prowling the halls with an unloaded gun. The school passed with flying colors when some students spotted the officer and shot him."

Some jokes about Hannibal Lecter...

What does Hannibal think is the best thing about Domino's Pizza? The delivery guy.

Why doesn't he eat kids from Beverly Hills? Because they're spoiled.

Hannibal was going to have shish-kabob, but Bob didn't show.

What does Hannibal call a person with a big smile? A happy meal.

For breakfast Hannibal has eggs and Kevin Bacon.

Why did Hannibal invite Ralph Nader over? He's trying to eat more greens.

What shouldn't you say to Hannibal? "Bite me."

What does Hannibal call a hot tub? A crock pot..

Why won't he eat stewardesses? He hates airline food.

What does he call Kate Moss? Lean cuisine."

Jet · 10th Nov 2004, 09:23 AM

I thought they found Sadaam Hussein already.

Papercut · 10th Nov 2004, 01:04 PM

2nd one is Osama, who still hasn't been found.

Maximus_Detritus · 12th Nov 2004, 11:28 PM

Dear Dogbert,

How can I decide for whom to vote?

Dan

Dear Bedpan,

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue.
Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because
if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same
opinions.

So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being
clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote
preserved democracy.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

Adrian Wong · 12th Nov 2004, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer.

"Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

zy · 13th Nov 2004, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adrian Wong

that one damn funny LMAO

sumurai · 15th Nov 2004, 01:06 AM

this is funnny!!

http://phobos.ramapo.edu/~cwu/English_Subtitles.wmv

Chai · 15th Nov 2004, 01:33 AM

I think that was posted before. FARNY!

zy · 17th Nov 2004, 01:16 AM

english subs is funny

Quote:

(1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know"
Girl replied" Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic
cover"

(2) Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick"
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife- try it"
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: Boss! it worked! Me ok now. You got nice
house.

(3) After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: Why? Want to have sex again.
Thai Girl replied: No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one
before.

(4) Women's lives are hard.
Morning wash clothes.
Noon hang clothes
Evening keep clothes
Nite iron clothes
Midnight take off clothes
Few hours after midnight find clothes

(5) To make it straight she pulls it.
To make it stand she rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it.
To let it in she pushes it.
True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
Anyone got a cock? All men rose
I meant anyone seen a cock?. All women rose.
I mean anyone seen my cock? All nuns rose.

(7) A Sad story.
A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said "
Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you".

(8) Girl: Mom what is a penis?
Mom: When you become a good girl you will get one.
Girl: But mom what if I am not a good girl?
Mom: Then you will get many!

(9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
If I give you $3million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary: Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.

(10) Schoolgirl:I do not want to take the Sex Education class.
Teacher: Why?
Schoolgirl: Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.

(11) Two sperms talking on mobile
Ist: I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube n uterus. Are u close by?
2nd: No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the
tonsils.

(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a
PENIS.
This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.

Adrian Wong · 17th Nov 2004, 01:34 AM

ROTFL!! Good jokes!!

10th Nov 2004, 01:00 AM	#481 (permalink)
Papercut Hyperactive Join Date: 14 Jul 2004 Location: Singapore! Posts: 4,991 Reputation: 2428 Rep Power: 33	From "Weekend Update" on SNL: "An undercover officer tested the awareness of the students at a local school by prowling the halls with an unloaded gun. The school passed with flying colors when some students spotted the officer and shot him." Some jokes about Hannibal Lecter... What does Hannibal think is the best thing about Domino's Pizza? The delivery guy. Why doesn't he eat kids from Beverly Hills? Because they're spoiled. Hannibal was going to have shish-kabob, but Bob didn't show. What does Hannibal call a person with a big smile? A happy meal. For breakfast Hannibal has eggs and Kevin Bacon. Why did Hannibal invite Ralph Nader over? He's trying to eat more greens. What shouldn't you say to Hannibal? "Bite me." What does Hannibal call a hot tub? A crock pot.. Why won't he eat stewardesses? He hates airline food. What does he call Kate Moss? Lean cuisine." __________________ PC Specs "Use in a cool dry place away from direct sunlight. Keep out of reach of n00bs. Overclock within 24 hours of opening. Do not read instructions before proceeding, do not use only as directed. May cause frustration, late nights and empty wallets. If symptoms persist please consult your hardware professional."

10th Nov 2004, 01:04 PM	#483 (permalink)
Papercut Hyperactive Join Date: 14 Jul 2004 Location: Singapore! Posts: 4,991 Reputation: 2428 Rep Power: 33	2nd one is Osama, who still hasn't been found. __________________ PC Specs "Use in a cool dry place away from direct sunlight. Keep out of reach of n00bs. Overclock within 24 hours of opening. Do not read instructions before proceeding, do not use only as directed. May cause frustration, late nights and empty wallets. If symptoms persist please consult your hardware professional."

12th Nov 2004, 11:28 PM	#484 (permalink)
Maximus_Detritus Moderator Join Date: 14 Sep 2004 Location: Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia Posts: 2,127 Reputation: 242 Rep Power: 9	Dear Dogbert, How can I decide for whom to vote? Dan Dear Bedpan, Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy. Sincerely, Dogbert __________________ Ceramic White PSP - 3.52M33-4, Metallic Blue PSP - 3.52M33-4 ARP Reviewer PlayStation Network : Maximus_Detritus

15th Nov 2004, 01:06 AM	#487 (permalink)
sumurai Super Active Join Date: 11 Apr 2003 Posts: 1,017 Reputation: 30 Rep Power: 7	this is funnny!! http://phobos.ramapo.edu/~cwu/English_Subtitles.wmv __________________

15th Nov 2004, 01:33 AM	#488 (permalink)
Chai Administrator Join Date: 6 Oct 2002 Location: Maranello Posts: 26,757 Reputation: 3984 Rep Power: 72	I think that was posted before. FARNY! __________________ Chai (Contributor & Forum Admin) http://www.techarp.com/

10th Nov 2004, 09:23 AM	#482 (permalink)
Jet Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!! Join Date: 5 Sep 2004 Posts: 6,694 Reputation: 1274 Rep Power: 23	I thought they found Sadaam Hussein already.

17th Nov 2004, 01:34 AM	#490 (permalink)
Adrian Wong Da Boss Join Date: 10 Oct 2002 Location: In front of my ASUS F8V notebook! Posts: 30,146 Reputation: 3081 Rep Power: 67	ROTFL!! Good jokes!! __________________ Dr. Adrian Wong Tech ARP \| Blog @ Tech ARP \| The Free Trade Zone DYKT : The only offshore account I have is at the sand bank? Keep Tech ARP free! Visit our sponsors! We need PROGRAMMERS and TECHNICAL WRITERS! Contact us if you are a hot shot programmer or technical writer! My items for sale : 50x SD Card \| Memory Stick PRO \| Cyclone Energy Saver \| Seiko SS watch \| Tiger/Carlsberg beer jugs \| Travel Speakers \| Motorola V600 \| Nokia N90 SOLD! \| New Lowepro Mini Trekker AW Other items for sale @ the FTZ : Zalman CNPS9500 LED @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7700 Cu @ $20 \| Zalman CNPS7000 Cu @ $20 \| Swarovski bracelet watches \| Dell 17" LCD \| Hi-Fi speakers \| English DIVX movies \| HP LaserJet toners! \| Office chairs