Tech ARP Forums

Go Back   Tech ARP Forums > Others > Lounge
Register
FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read

Google Web www.techarp.com forums.techarp.com

Lounge Come in to the ARP lounge and chill out!

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 12:17 AM   #61 (permalink)
h@x!
 
Max_87's Avatar
 
Join Date: 11 Aug 2003
Location: Sarawak, Malaysia.
Posts: 10,968
Reputation: 1747
Max_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant future
Rep Power: 33
Default

Quote:
Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
__________________


Max_87
Tech ARP
http://www.techarp.com

Intel E8400 @ 4.2GHz / Abit IP35 Pro / G.Skill F2-8000CL5-4GBPQ / Radeon X1800 / Seagate 7200.9 120GB / 7200.10 320GBx2 / WD5000AAKS / Silverstone ST56F
Max_87 is online now   Reply With Quote
SPONSOR
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 12:19 AM   #62 (permalink)
h@x!
 
Max_87's Avatar
 
Join Date: 11 Aug 2003
Location: Sarawak, Malaysia.
Posts: 10,968
Reputation: 1747
Max_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant futureMax_87 has a brilliant future
Rep Power: 33
Default

Quote:
Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
__________________


Max_87
Tech ARP
http://www.techarp.com

Intel E8400 @ 4.2GHz / Abit IP35 Pro / G.Skill F2-8000CL5-4GBPQ / Radeon X1800 / Seagate 7200.9 120GB / 7200.10 320GBx2 / WD5000AAKS / Silverstone ST56F
Max_87 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:40 AM   #63 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

here is 1 from me!!!!!!

Quote:
The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

“DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS
BEING SAWED.
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO PUT NOVACAINE IN THE VASELINE!”
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:44 AM   #64 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

1 more!!!!!!!

Quote:
There was this Indian who just came back from a war. He needed something to do or, more accurately, someone to do. So he goes to a whorehouse and the madam asks, “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian shakes his head no and the madam tells him, “Come back with some experience.”
So the Indian is wandering around the woods, wondering where he is going to get experience. He then sees a small hole in a tree. He sticks it in the hole, does his business and goes back to the whorrehouse. The madam asks “Do you have money?” The Indian responds, “Me have money.” The madam asks, “Do you have experience?” The Indian says, “Me have a little experience.”
The madam directs him to a door and, when the Indian walks in he sees a girl on the bed. He picks her up, turns her around, and kicks her square in the ass. The girl exclaims, “Why did you do that?!” He replies, “I have to make sure you don't have bees in you!”
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:48 AM   #65 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

dis 1 is disgusting......














Quote:
There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?"
He replied, "No I think I'll wait."

So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?"

His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait."

The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke.

The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?"

His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:52 AM   #66 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

tech glossary!!!!!

Quote:
486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:55 AM   #67 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

ST00PID QUOTES!!!!!!


Quote:
On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?”
-- Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star

On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.”
-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces

On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.”
-- Donna Summer, disco singer

On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.”
-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest

On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.”
-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage

On Acting, Jean-Claude Van Damme's Interesting Insights On: “In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.”-- Jean-Claude Van Damme, interviewed on “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”

On Segues, Unfortunate: “Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college.”
-- Mike Leavitt, governor of Utah, introducing Senator Larry Craig

On Book Reviews, Cogent: “It's a very good historical book about history.” -- former vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's Modern Times

On Civics Lessons, Vice Presidential: “There are lots more people in the House. I don't know how many exactly-I never counted but at least a couple hundred.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the difference between the House and the Senate

On Earth, Where Found:“ [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 02:57 AM   #68 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

Quote:
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"

"By hiking."

"Hiking?"

"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 03:00 AM   #69 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

another 1!!!!!

Quote:
When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs. When the doctor was notified, he called the husband and asked him to report to the hospital immediately. Upon his arrival the doctor explained that the nurse had seen a reaction when her private parts were stimulated. He suggested that the husband should have oral sex with her because it might lead to improvement in her condition. After about 15 minutes the husband came out of her room and announced that she was dead!
"How did that happen?" asked the doctor.

"I think she choked to death," said the husband.
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Jan 2004, 03:02 AM   #70 (permalink)
Hold me back! I can't stop posting!!!
 
TungstenBoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: 5 May 2003
Posts: 6,260
Reputation: 0
TungstenBoy is an unknown quantity at this point
Rep Power: 12
Default

Quote:
There was an older man who'd married a younger woman. All was going well... except in the bedroom. He couldn't last long enough to satisfy her. She said it didn't matter but he knew it was getting her down. So he went to the doctor and asked for help.
The doctor recommended that he satisfy himself before they have sex -- that way, he'd last longer. The next day, the man planned on ravishing his wife when he came home, and decided to please himself on the way. So he pulled over onto a quiet road. But he couldn't just sit there in his car having a wank, so he decided to lie under the car and pretend that he was fixing he car. He crawled under the car, closed his eyes, imagined his wife naked, and started wanking. After a while he felt something tugging at his jeans.

"Sir, this is the police. Would you mind telling us what you're doing?"

Not wanting to lose this wonderful image of his wife he kept his eyes closed.

"I'm just fixing the axle of my car, officer."

"Well, while you're down there you'd better check the brakes. Your car has crashed into a tree half a mile down the road!"
__________________
lowyat forum got a dictator god admin......
<^>(>.&lt<^>
hieeeee se7en!!!!! .....come check check again?????
TungstenBoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +8. The time now is 06:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.1.0
Copyright © 1998-2007 Tech ARP. All rights reserved.