the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

Falcone · May 16, 2008

lee_what2004 said: ↑

You don't realize what you do in your childhood days....
Click to expand...

Third one must be dask

Chai · May 16, 2008

LOL, second one is really funny!

strawroot · May 16, 2008

Women Superiority

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxi's stop for us.

Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.

If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.

It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.

We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
Click to expand...

This is funny!!

lee_what2004 · May 17, 2008

strawroot said: ↑

This is funny!!
Click to expand...

men are losing

lee_what2004 · May 17, 2008

Growing Older

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.

When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
Click to expand...

anyone???

Adrian Wong · May 17, 2008

strawroot said: ↑

This is funny!!
Click to expand...

ROTFL!! It would have been funnier if it wasn't that true.

Adrian Wong · May 17, 2008

lee_what2004 said: ↑

Growing Older

anyone???
Click to expand...

ROTFL!! Both also forgetful!

lee_what2004 · May 18, 2008

ACTUAL DIALOG OF A FORMER WORDPERFECT CUSTOMER SUPPORT EMPLOYEE:
CS Employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
CS Employee: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
CS Employee: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
CS Employee: "Humm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
CS Employee: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
CS Employee: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
CS Employee: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
CS Employee: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
CS Employee: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
CS Employee: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
CS Employee: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: ......"Yes, I think so."
CS Employee: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: ......"Yes, it is."
CS Employee: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
CS Employee: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: ......"Okay, here it is."
CS Employee: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
CS Employee: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
CS Employee: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
CS Employee: "Dark?
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
CS Employee: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
CS Employee: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
CS Employee: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
CS Employee: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
CS Employee: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
CS Employee: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Click to expand...

should make a license to own computers

Adrian Wong · May 18, 2008

LOL!! Maybe people should pass a test before they can buy a computer.

Mac Daddy · May 18, 2008

lee_what2004 said: ↑

should make a license to own computers
Click to expand...

Classic

Chai · May 18, 2008

LOL! I read that this guy got fired, and it's a true story!

pyroboy1911 · May 18, 2008

Chai said: ↑

LOL! I read that this guy got fired, and it's a true story!
Click to expand...

wat the...the customer should be sued for being too stupid!!

Adrian Wong · May 18, 2008

Chai said: ↑

LOL! I read that this guy got fired, and it's a true story!
Click to expand...

Seriously???

lee_what2004 · May 18, 2008

Adrian Wong said: ↑

Seriously???
Click to expand...

I also read it somewhere, long time ago.
says it is a true story.
forgotten till Chai mention it

lee_what2004 · May 19, 2008

Learning How To Be Sarcastic From Your Wife

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
Click to expand...

Adrian Wong · May 19, 2008

The Rescue

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped."The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved."
Click to expand...

Adrian Wong · May 19, 2008

Stumpy and His Wife

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
Click to expand...

I think she deserved it.

lee_what2004 · May 19, 2008

Adrian Wong said: ↑

I think she deserved it.
Click to expand...

this is business...

Chai · May 19, 2008

Adrian Wong said: ↑

I think she deserved it.
Click to expand...

Oops!

Mac Daddy · May 19, 2008

Too funny

Log in or Sign up

the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

Falcone Official Mascot Creator

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

lee_what2004 Just Started

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Mac Daddy Pickin' Da Gitfiddle

Chai Administrator Staff Member

pyroboy1911 Newbie

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

Chai Administrator Staff Member

Mac Daddy Pickin' Da Gitfiddle

Share This Page

Log in or Sign up

the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

Falcone Official Mascot Creator

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

lee_what2004 Just Started

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Mac Daddy Pickin' Da Gitfiddle

Chai Administrator Staff Member

pyroboy1911 Newbie

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

lee_what2004 Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

lee_what2004 Just Started

Chai Administrator Staff Member

Mac Daddy Pickin' Da Gitfiddle

Share This Page

Useful Searches