the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

lee_what2004 · Jul 24, 2008

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse", she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!"
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Adrian Wong · Jul 24, 2008

ROTFL!! That's funny! I'll bet everyone had a different idea of what it was about!

Mac Daddy · Jul 24, 2008

Good one Lee

Chai · Jul 24, 2008

Good joke!

lee_what2004 · Jul 24, 2008

Millionaire Question

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.

So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.

The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
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Adrian Wong · Jul 25, 2008

Hehe.. I wonder if she said yes...

But it will be really sad if she adds, "Only if it's Mr. Hand".

generalRage1982hrv · Jul 25, 2008

hehehehehhehe

Mac Daddy · Jul 25, 2008

Adrian Wong said: ↑

Hehe.. I wonder if she said yes...

But it will be really sad if she adds, "Only if it's Mr. Hand".
Click to expand...

Or Palmela Lee Anderson

Another good one

Lets see what Pink has to say on the subject
YouTube - Pink - U and Ur hand

lee_what2004 · Jul 25, 2008

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
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Yukirin · Jul 25, 2008

LOL nice one. Make me wonder that 'bull' could have taken Viagra grass/milk everyday.

lee_what2004 · Jul 25, 2008

A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill." She ignored the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."
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Mac Daddy · Jul 26, 2008

Hee hee the last were good

Chai · Jul 26, 2008

I thought that's a compliment. I meant the rear end.

Chai · Jul 26, 2008

No SEX since 1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time)
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Mac Daddy · Jul 26, 2008

Hee hee military time indeed

lee_what2004 · Jul 26, 2008

at least he's telling the truth

lee_what2004 · Aug 7, 2008

A married couple was planning to go on vacation in Key West, Florida. The man went down first, while the wife was finishing up a business meeting in New York City. The husband arrived and decided to email his wife to tell her he arrived in Key West.

After he typed his message, he accidentally typed in the wrong email address. The email went to a woman who was grieving over her recently deceased husband. The grieving woman checked her email, read the man's letter, then passed out cold. Her daughter came in and looked at the computer screen. It read:

Honey,
This is your husband. I just wanted to tell you I got here OK, and I have all your bags checked in and ready for you to get here tonight so we can be together.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.
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well, email is sure convenient...

lee_what2004 · Aug 7, 2008

1. anyone dare to say this is invalid?
2. ehm, something new

Chai · Aug 7, 2008

LOL! Funny stuff!

lee_what2004 · Aug 7, 2008

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