the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by TungstenBoy, Dec 30, 2003.

  1. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    Hehe.. This is Malaysian-centric and perhaps a little sensitive. :mrgreen:

     
  2. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  3. Zen

    Zen Das lässige Schwein

    A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

    "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

    "No," her mother replied.

    "Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"

    "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."

    After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

    "Were you sick?" her mom asked.

    "Yes."

    "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

    "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'"
     
  4. Dashken

    Dashken Administrator!

    So true... :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  5. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

     
  6. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  7. Zen

    Zen Das lässige Schwein

    A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

    The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

    The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

    A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

    The next day the grandmother died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

    Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
    "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

    He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

    Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."

    She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbor James dropped dead on our porch."
     
  8. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    ROTFL!! That's a good one. :thumb:
     
  9. belikethat

    belikethat Just Started

    Took me while to figured that .. ahah nice one..
     
  10. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  11. Jet

    Jet Just Started

    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  12. Max_87

    Max_87 huehuehue

    LMAO!!!!! good one!!!! :thumb:
     
  13. K B Ng

    K B Ng Newbie

    My parents do that, I don't :) but yeah.. other things :

    33. You can count better than you can write.

    34. You get invited to a buffet, you start eating and don't stop till the very last minute.
     
  14. Chai

    Chai Administrator Staff Member

    Good jokes. More! More!
     
  15. Jeremy

    Jeremy Black Sheep

    What Not To Say To A Naked Guy

    1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
    2. Ahh, it's cute.
    3. Who circumcised you?
    4. Why don't we just cuddle?
    5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
    6. It's more fun to look at.
    7. Make it dance.
    8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
    9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
    10. It looks like a night crawler.
    11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
    12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
    13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
    14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
    15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
    16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
    17. Oh no, a flash headache.
    18. (giggle and point)
    19. Can I be honest with you?
    20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
    21. Let me go get my tweezers.
    22. How sweet, you brought incense.
    23. This explains your car.
    24. You must be a growing boy.
    25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
    26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
    27. Are you one of those pygmies?
    28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
    29. Every heard of clearasil?
    30. All right, a treasure hunt!
    31. I didn't know they came that small.
    32. Why is God punishing you?
    33. At least this won't take long.
    34. I never saw one like that before.
    35. What do you call this?
    36. But it still works, right?
    37. Shit, I hate baby-sitting.
    38. It looks so unused.
    39. Do you take steroids?
    40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
    41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
    42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
    43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
    44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
    45. Aww, it's hiding.
    46. Are you cold?
    47. If you get me real drunk first.
    48. Is that an optical illusion?
    49. What is that?
    50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
    51. Were you neutered?
    52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
    53. Does it come with an air pump?
    54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
    55. Where are the puppet strings?
    56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
    57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
    58. Never mind, why bother.
    59. Is that a second belly button?
    60. Where's the rest of it?
     
  16. Chai

    Chai Administrator Staff Member

    Hahahaha!!!
     
  17. Jet

    Jet Just Started

    :haha:
     
  18. Chai

    Chai Administrator Staff Member

    Hahahah...Kena 'cha' back...(return fire)
     
  19. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

     
  20. Adrian Wong

    Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

    :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
     

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