the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

ChampionLLY · Jul 8, 2006

watched the 20+years old eddie murphy show:

a bear n a rabbit is taking a sh!t in the woods. the bear turns to the rabbit & said "excuse me, do u haf problem wif sh!t sticking to ur fur?" the rabbit says "no", so the bear wipe is a$$ on the rabbit.

Adrian Wong · Jul 12, 2006

ChampionLLY said:

watched the 20+years old eddie murphy show:

a bear n a rabbit is taking a sh!t in the woods. the bear turns to the rabbit & said "excuse me, do u haf problem wif sh!t sticking to ur fur?" the rabbit says "no", so the bear wipe is a$$ on the rabbit.
Click to expand...

ROTFL!! That's a good one!

The_YongGrand · Jul 13, 2006

Once upon a time there's a small man walking in the woods. Out of the blue he slipped on a piece of sh!te. He recovered and stood up and continued walking.

After a short while a big man also happened to slip on the same piece of sh!te. A few metres away from the big man, the little man shouted: "I just did that!!"

And then the big man kills the small man upon hearing that.

Adrian Wong · Jul 13, 2006

The_YongGrand said:

Once upon a time there's a small man walking in the woods. Out of the blue he slipped on a piece of sh!te. He recovered and stood up and continued walking.

After a short while a big man also happened to slip on the same piece of sh!te. A few metres away from the big man, the little man shouted: "I just did that!!"

And then the big man kills the small man upon hearing that.
Click to expand...

LOL!!!

But seriously, no need to kill him for that la..

Jeremy · Jul 17, 2006

Dashky: Click Here Please... -> Ceiling Cat

She's been reporting back to me you do it very often.

ToyotaFreak · Jul 17, 2006

Adrian Wong said:

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch
Click to expand...

ROTFL! That one's hillarious!

Adrian Wong · Jul 17, 2006

Jeremy said:

Dashky: Click Here Please... -> Ceiling Cat

She's been reporting back to me you do it very often.
Click to expand...

ROTFL!!!!

Adrian Wong · Jul 17, 2006

Mr. John got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr.John, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
Click to expand...

Adrian Wong · Jul 17, 2006

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:

"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"

A student replied: "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?"

Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls"
Click to expand...

Adrian Wong · Jul 17, 2006

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bot tle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.

"Vell kid," said the genie, "you know how it voiks. You got three
vishes."

"I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"

"Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!"

The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie
was right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink."

* * * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

"Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!"

* * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.
Click to expand...

Zen · Jul 18, 2006

Ok...it had been a very long time since i was here...so not really sure if this is posted b4... but anyways enjoy....

In the examination room Wong nervously asks, "You won't laugh?" Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Wong said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest pxxxs the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am, I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

Wong replied, "It's swollen."
Click to expand...

Adrian Wong · Jul 18, 2006

LOL!!! I've read it before but it never fails to set me off!!!

Max_87 · Jul 18, 2006

Adrian Wong said:

Mr. John got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr.John, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
Click to expand...

Bwahahahahaha

Chai · Jul 18, 2006

duffel bags... hahaha

PsYkHoTiK · Jul 18, 2006

LMAO!!! Ouch...

Adrian Wong · Jul 24, 2006

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman. It's very likely she can think.
Click to expand...

Chai · Jul 24, 2006

Wow...excellent reply!

Adrian Wong · Jul 28, 2006

More jokes...

I think we have posted this before, but always good for a laugh!

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '

Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'

Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'

Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'
Click to expand...

And here are some Chinese names you should NOT give to your children.

Anne Chang (Mandarin) - Dirty
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin/Cantonese) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan (Mandarin/Cantonese) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Tng (Hokkien) - Long haired leg
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings/sheet
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before/never try before
Click to expand...

Chai · Jul 28, 2006

This is the only thing that cheers me up today!

Olle P · Jul 28, 2006

Adrian Wong said:

28 + 4 ways to know you're chinese
Click to expand...

What!?! some 75% or more fit in with me.
... and I don't feel one bit chinese.

/Olle

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