Cibai: An abstract interpretation-based static analyzer for modular analysis and verification of Java classes - Microsoft Research Ok you probably need to be a Malaysian or Singaporean or Taiwanese or be Hokkien to understand why it's so god damn funny. For those who aren't part of the listed above, click here for the explanation.
Here are some "Confucius' words of wisdom". A bit tawdry with bad grammar, but I think you guys will like it!
How to come home drunk and still get a hot breakfast! Jack wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the bedside table. And next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, spewed in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” “So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, *****, I'm married!!!". Broken table - $200 Hot breakfast - $5 Red Rose bud - $3 Two aspirins - $0.25 Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS
Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry A man was walking through Chinatown when he noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt’s Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt. "How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger. "Is simple," said the old Oriental man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big German guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, "What your name?" The German guy replied "Hans Schmidt." Then the Immigration lady looked at me and asked the same question, ’What your name?’" I replied "Sam Ting."
Chen Lee - No fee A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report: MOST HONOURABLE SIR: YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE. I NOT SEE. NO FEE. CHEN LEE
Sometimes... Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried.. no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy.. no one sees your smile . - - - - - - - - - - But FART!! just ONE time... And everybody knows!! HA HA