the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

zicovsky · Feb 2, 2007

hahahahahaahahhaah!

good one leian!

Chai · Feb 2, 2007

Really funny!

strawroot · Feb 14, 2007

KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_____________
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
_____________
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!
______________
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have
ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
______________
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."

_____________
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree,
but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
______________
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. *
_______________
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your
brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
______________
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no
longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
Click to expand...

students are tough these days

Chai · Feb 14, 2007

Happy New Year 2007 : Frustration on Chain mails
Posted by @ B H i on 21st January 2007

A Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails:

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003 & 2004 & 2005 & 2006

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes. I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sampl! e and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phon! e for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)

! * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their sp! ecial e-mail program would arrive soon.

* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

* Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property of some hundred millions $.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc… now most of those ‘Wishes’ are already married (to someone else)

IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you do not post a comment and suggest at least 12477896 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at 6:30pm
Click to expand...

http://funnyjoke.wordpress.com/tag/funny/page/4/

strawroot · Feb 14, 2007

the cut kidney incident is classic man

Max_87 · Feb 14, 2007

Is there really such incident before?

strawroot · Feb 14, 2007

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of strong golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer )

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > >

* > > > > > > > He married the one with big boobs!!!!!!

> > >

* > > > > > > > Men are Men…. Obviously!!!
Click to expand...

this is funny man!!!

peti1212 · Feb 14, 2007

I have a really dumb joke, but maybe one of you guys will find it funny.

A person who goes to church always says, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen"

Now this is what a computer geek says, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Enter"

Did somebody find this funny?

Adrian Wong · Feb 14, 2007

LOL! I found it funny.

ToyotaFreak · Feb 16, 2007

Invisible bike!

Adrian Wong · Feb 17, 2007

Wow.. That gerbil is just so cute!!!

ToyotaFreak · Feb 17, 2007

Adrian Wong said: ↑

Wow.. That gerbil is just so cute!!!
Click to expand...

Here are a few more pics!

Dashken · Feb 28, 2007

A Husband and Wife, Both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold. The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown. When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home. The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown:

Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?

Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.

Reporter : Is he in?

Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.

Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.

Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?

Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown ! objects in as much as it is strictly private.

Reporter : Is the place far?

Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.

Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?

Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.

Reporter : Is the hole deep?

Mrs. Brown : Quite so...

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?

Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...

Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?

Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.

Reporter : Does he work hard on it?

Mrs. Brown : You bet...........and how he perspires.

Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?

Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...

Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead! of him?

Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.

Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?

Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the
site,with my consent.

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?

Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him...

Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?

Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.

Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy).

The reporter has to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance ................
Click to expand...

Chai · Feb 28, 2007

Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?

Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...
Click to expand...

Funniest answer!

Adrian Wong · Feb 28, 2007

Chai said: ↑

Funniest answer!
Click to expand...

ROTFL!! Yeah!

Dashken · Mar 13, 2007

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A HONGKIE
1. We're Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the
mainland communists.
7. No one can threaten Hong Kong, except the few expatriate from Cathay
Airlines (Pilots) who are now on strike.
8. Gambling is more interesting than sex, that's why we're Hongkies.
9. We produce a lot of Ms.Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and
famous.

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A SINGAPOREAN
1. We're not Chinese
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road .
4. We have our own island.
5. Proud of our world class Airport, world class MRT, world class
airline, world class telco......score "one" against Manchester Utd but
kena 8 in return.
6. We know how to spell 'Salvatore Ferragamo'.
7. We know how to enjoy our vacation in M'sia - keep a few RM50 notes
before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime,
anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl "Do you
have CPF?"
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get
you! into the sea.
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right coz Govt
will find one for us.
11. 1 Sing dollar = 2.2 ringgit..... nyeh-nyeh- nyeh...
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

GOOD REASONS FOR BEING AN INDONESIAN
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia .
3.. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast
guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries....
5. We can blame everything to Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or
Megawati or....
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily
for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just b'coz IMF say
so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn
9. We don't need fire-fighters as our neighbours will provide...

GOOD REASONS BEING A MALAYSIAN
1. World tallest Building, Best F1 circuit, biggest pewter mug, highest
standard of university admission... coz Malaysia Boleh !
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking
on the handphone, adjusting radio and bribing the cop at the same
time.
3. Divorce by sending SMS.
4. Traffic summoned can be settled on the spot with the cop.
5. Teh Tarek & Roti Canai is the favourite supper.
6. We can save a lot of electricity b'coz our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or
opposition parties or.....
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry
the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others
watching.... ...
9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lane
when cops are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR to do. They dig, resurface the
road, dig and resurface... .....
11. All main roads are designated highway coz it gives Samy Veloo a
reason to collect toll.
12. Our Govt. can never be wrong.
Click to expand...

s p r a n k i k o · Mar 13, 2007

CAN'T BREATHE!!!

strawroot · Mar 13, 2007

4. Traffic summoned can be settled on the spot with the cop.
Click to expand...

Msians are efficient

ToyotaFreak · Mar 16, 2007

When things get worse.....

Found this on a pile of my dad's old work documents in KL.

Adrian Wong · Mar 17, 2007

ToyotaFreak said: ↑

Found this on a pile of my dad's old work documents in KL.

Click to expand...

ROTFL!!!

Is that really SFW???

Log in or Sign up

the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

zicovsky Newbie

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

Max_87 huehuehue

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

peti1212 Newbie

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Dashken Administrator!

Chai Administrator Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Dashken Administrator!

s p r a n k i k o "0104"

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Attached Files:

doggie_wolf.jpg

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Share This Page

Log in or Sign up

the ARP jokes thread!!!!!....come post ur jokes here!!!!!!

zicovsky Newbie

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

Chai Administrator Staff Member

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

Max_87 huehuehue

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

peti1212 Newbie

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Dashken Administrator!

Chai Administrator Staff Member

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Dashken Administrator!

s p r a n k i k o "0104"

strawroot I Lurrrve Panda Biscuit!

ToyotaFreak Just Started

Attached Files:

doggie_wolf.jpg

Adrian Wong Da Boss Staff Member

Share This Page

Useful Searches